Opposites attract in relationships
The idea that opposites attract is a cultural belief not supported by scientific data. Research consistently shows that similarity, not complementarity, predicts interpersonal attraction and relationship success.
What we know
The notion that opposites attract has intuitive appeal and cultural staying power, but it contradicts the empirical findings of social psychology. The similarity-attraction effect, documented since the 1960s in the work of Donn Byrne, shows that people consistently prefer and form closer relationships with those who share their attitudes, values, and personality traits.
A major 2023 meta-analysis published in Nature Human Behaviour, led by researchers at the University of Colorado Boulder, examined a wide range of traits across thousands of couples and found 'no compelling evidence' that opposites attract on any measured dimension. The authors explicitly set out to test the hypothesis and found it consistently unsupported. A related UK study analyzed the digital footprints, including online likes and word choices, of more than 45,000 individuals and found that similarity predicted both friendship and romantic partnership, with the effect being even stronger for romantic partners than friends.
The intuition behind the saying may stem from complementarity at the level of specific roles within a relationship, for example one partner handling finances while the other manages social planning, which is compatible with broad similarity in values and temperament. Researchers at Anglia Ruskin University have noted that while people may enjoy brief exposure to those who are different from themselves, long-term relationship success correlates with similarity in emotional stability, conscientiousness, and core values.
Similarity in background and outlook also reduces conflict and increases mutual understanding, which are known predictors of relationship satisfaction and longevity.
Common claims
- People are naturally attracted to those who have opposite personalities.False. Research consistently shows attraction to similar others.
- Complementary roles in a relationship prove opposites attract.Misleading. Role division is compatible with similarity in deeper values and personality.
- The 2023 Nature study confirmed opposites attract.False. The study found the opposite: no compelling evidence for dissimilarity effects.